A guide for the overseas self drive, self sufficient, vehicle dependent visitor in Africa

                      ď Ö from a vehicle you see Africa.
                      On foot you feel, hear and smell Africa ď

                                                             John Stevens 

luangwablondes Bush Walking Quiz


 Mandatory for all bushwalkers, know-it-alls and wannabe guides


1) Morning bush walks start :
A) after breakfast
B) at 8:00 A.M
C) At the crack of dawn
D) When the last person is ready
E) According to union contract
F) When the guide says so
G) Shortly after the wildlife wakeup and arrive at their pre-assigned positions

2) Bush walks take place only in areas where wildlife are habituated to humans
A) true
B) false
C) Donít know

3) When charged by a lion, your best course of action is
A) Run- you only need to out run one other person
B) Stand there and hope the lion selects the fat guy to your left to eat
C) Climb a treeóadult lions canít climb trees, I think. But even if they can, you only need to get one
branch higher then SWAMBO ( Suggestion for Peter  Baker- When climbing the tree, next time don't use Elizebeth as a ladder)

D) I donít know, but somebody tell me before the lion charges
E) Follow the instructions of the guide, unless he has a head start on you- then run like hell
F) Grab the petite lady on your right and chuck her out to the lion as quickly as possible
G) Lay down and threaten to pummel the offending lion with toilet paper when he gets within a couple metres.See Tips below

4) Man-eaters are lions that eat
A) Only men
B) People. Because they are troubled and have deep seated psychological problems
C) People. Because they are usually physically impaired, and can only capture people
D) People because of some confusion in their sexual orientation manifesting the emergence of an alternate personality effected by low testosterone levels, men holding hands, skipping, and singing 'We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz......".

5) A mock charge by a lion or elephant is:

A) the last thing you may remember or want

B) I heard it isnít a good thing (they donít do underwear at this camp)

C) your guide will often see it coming and will instruct you on what to do-

    If he has a head start on you, run like hell

D) occurs only when there are young nearby

E) is a warning you are too close or not welcome

Fill in the blank
6) What is spoor?

Use the reverse side of this webpage if necessary.
You must limit your answer to 500 words only

Spoor, NOT ROAR!!

7) Porters are used on bush walks to:

A) carry you across rivers
B) step in front of you when a lion, buffalo, elephant or rhino charges
C) walk in front and take the 1st strike if there is a poisonous snake in your path
D) push the guide out in front of you when a lion, buffalo, elephant or rhino charges
E) carry water, cocktails and other important gear
F) Donít know, but this all sounds good to me. Can I get 3 or 4 porters for my bush walks?

One Jacket- excellent condition

Distressed sale-Best Offer

You must collect

8) The ideal walking safari bush camp requires :
A) An amazing wine cellar.
B) Incredible edibles with eye popping presentation
C) Tasty alcoholic concoctions for Sundowners.
D) Quality vehicles that seat 2 across, each with tracker, guide and driver
E) Luxurious accommodations
F). Rates that include unlimited booze
G) Superior guiding and knowledge of flora and fauna
H) Guides that run like tortoises and pour doubles
I) Porters who know their job

J) An endless supply of sacrifical porters
K) A personal valet would be sweet, but not a deal breaker
L) Oh yeah, the camp should be in a magical location in a game rich area
M) All of the above

N) Some of the above, but Iím not sure which ones


SWAMBO = She Who Always Must Be Obeyed

Luangwa Safari House     SLNP Zambia


Extra Credit Question

Who or what is a luangwablondes?    

1)      a type of fish basket used by Kunda fishermen

2)      Nsenga women popular with the Peace Corps,  and discerning

      bush camp managers and guides.

3)      a reknown tobacco grown in the Luangwa Valley that annually receives some of the highest per bale prices from Indian traders.

4)      sarcastic term used for cute, easy tourists trying to bag a guide

5)      Iím a blonde bimbo from Mfuwe

6)      high grade pot grown in the Luangwa Valley

7)  antelop subspecies endemic to the Luangwa Valley




You can live your life like a lamb or live your life like a lion.

IF you had problems with the quiz, then maybe a few classes are in order.

Derek Solomon 8 day Bush Skills Courses at SLNP

  Contact a tour agent for his next courses or you maybe able to google it

A Bush Skills Class for Women only at SLNP

Field Guide Training in Zambia

Field Guides Association of Southern Africa

Snake Handling courses